The Exit of a Very Long Season Part II
I’ve learned a lot over 23 years of parenting. In some things, we’ve seen the mistakes other parents have made and decided not to make same mistakes. (I think God would call that “wisdom”) Other times, we did things wrong and vowed to learn from our mistakes and do it better the next time. ( I think God would call that “grace”) We’ve certainly walked through some dark valleys during many seasons of raising children and tried to keep our heads up, our foreheads strong, our hearts protected and pray that we just make it to the other side…and we did.
And then, some things…we just simply did right. By the grace of God: through His Word, His people or His voice.
I’m going to spend the next couple of blogs sharing with you some of the things we did right. And some of the things (looking back), we’d do differently. You may want to hold on to this...you’ll need this in the years to come if you’re a parent!
This blog: Some things we did right and the lessons that were learned.
- Days are long, years are short.
I can’t take credit for that statement. I read that not too long ago, and goodness gracious…..it’s SO true!!
When you’re the parent of young children, the days can seem to go on FOREVER!! Same routine, same activities, same fights, same arguments, same battles……over and over and over again…..day in and day out.
I remember when my girls were little (they are 20 months apart) and the days just seemed ENDLESS. I’d load them up in the car, drive to Target, buy them an Icee and stroll them through Target just for the change of scenery! LONG, LONG DAYS.
But as I look back, the years are SO VERY SHORT. It doesn’t even seem possible that ALL my children are grown (or near grown)! 23 years of parenting has flown by! Seasons of infants and toddlers, flow into school-aged then teenagers, then graduation and now young adults. The years are indeed so very short!!
Look forward to the years to come, but do not wish away the DAYS you have with your children now. All too soon, you’ll be sitting in my chair.
2. It’s never as bad as you think it is.
Whether that’s your child’s sub-par grades, or a project that made you want to pull your hair out, or a report card that isn’t up to your high standards, or a fight they had with their best friend. IT’S GOING TO BE OK. Your child is going to make it.
Looking back, I wouldn’t have made such a big deal out of small things. YES…..grades are important, doing your job well is important, finishing strong is important, learning to handle conflict is important. But many times as mothers, we allow some of the small, insignificant things to define our own identity as a parent. Far too many times, I made a really big deal out of something that was so minuscule, and in light of eternity, it really didn’t matter.
I’m NOT saying to cast off restraint and not have any standards or expectations…OF COURSE NOT! I am saying that it’s usually not as bad as we conjure it up in our minds to be. Set the God-given standards you have for your family, and make the necessary adjustments but when things don’t go according to plans, just remember, it’s probably not as bad as you think it is and the same Grace that has covered your life, will be the same Grace that will cover areas of your child’s life….exactly when they (and you) need it!
3. Don’t respond to your child’s drama with your own drama.
Children and teenagers can be dramatic, especially girls!! The last thing that needs to happen is to trump your daughter’s drama with YOUR drama! If your daughter is going through an emotional time or reacting to something (or someone) overly dramatically, as the mother, you have to respond with a level response and a cool head. If you’re unable to do that, then you need to wait to address the issue until you have control of your own emotions.
Your dramatic reaction to your daughter’s drama will only pour fuel on the fire and cause an explosion that will be heard around the world!! Or at least, around your neighborhood!
Take some time, collect your thoughts, rein in your emotions, PRAY and then go address and speak to your child. Only then will there be an outcome that you and your child will be proud of. We cannot expect our children, especially our daughters, to control areas of their lives that we as adults haven’t learned to control ourselves.
4. This too shall pass.
Whatever season you’re in, or whatever you may be walking through with your children (or even in your own life, for that matter)...THIS TOO SHALL PASS. You will come through whatever it is you’re facing, and so will your children.
At the time, it seems like there is no end in sight. But keep walking, keep praying, keep your heart right, keep your head up and many times, keep your mouth shut and just KEEP GOING. A better day is coming, a new season will break, a new attitude in that child will be seen, and a faithful God WILL SEE YOU THROUGH.
5. Dinnertime with your family must be a priority.
In this day and age, the family dinner is getting shoved down the priority list…BIG TIME. As the mama of your house, the manager of your home, the thermostat of your family…YOU will be the one to see if dinner with the family happens or not.
So many people and things are vying for that time slot.
Don’t unrealistically think that a sit down dinner can happen with your family every, single night of the week. You’re in for a rude awakening! But the majority of the nights, make dinnertime a priority. No TV, no cell phones (yours or your children’s), no video games or computers. Just your family sitting down at the table talking about their day.
It won’t come easy at first, especially if this is a new endeavor. But be patient….not angry, and allow the conversation to flow. You’ll be amazed at what you begin hearing over those meals and how openly your children and teens will begin to talk, if you just create the environment for them to be HEARD.
Do not disciple during this time. Do not bring correction, complaints or frustrations. Purposefully make this a positive time of interaction with your family and watch and see how much everyone begins to look forward to your time together at the dinner table.
6. Jesus really loves your children more than you do.
I know it’s hard to imagine…but He really does!!
God has placed our children within our stewardship for a season. How well we steward, care for, teach, train, etc. our children is up to us. They really are a gift from God.
But always remember...God loves them more than we ever could! He’s got their lives, their futures, their purposes/plans, their future mates and families in the palm of His hand...HE’S GOT THIS!
We have the awesome responsibility to parent our children to the best of our abilities, by the grace of God. God is with you and He is for you. He will lead and guide you when you don’t know what to do. He will encourage you when you feel like you’ve blown it and redeem back what seems to be lost. God is the perfect parent. You’re not going to be and that’s ok.
Just remember He is and He can help you be the best “imperfect” parent there is!
7. Do not get in the way of what God is trying to work out in the heart of your child...especially your teenagers.
Mama’s…YOU CANNOT FIX EVERYTHING, nor do you need to!!
There are so many times when we get in the middle of what God is trying to teach our child. And the more we intervene and “fix” what is broken, the more we tie the hands of God from working in their lives.
Your child needs to feel the consequences of their behavior. Your teen needs to feel the pain of their poor choices. DO NOT RESCUE THEM!!
God is perfectly capable of dealing with and changing the heart within your child. You just have to get out of the way and let Him.
Do what is your responsibility to do. But allow God (the perfect parent) to do what He needs to do as well. We do our children (I’m really talking about teenagers here) a huge disservice when we continue to rescue our children from consequences, instead of allowing God to intervene in their lives.
Make sure you’re not in the way of what God wants, and longs to do in the heart of your child. He really does know what He’s doing!! (even if you don’t!)
(I could keep going on with this list forever, but will stop here for now. My next blog will be Part III: What I would do differently as a parent…stay tuned!!)