The Exit of a Very Long Season Part III
And now…….what I would have done differently after 23 years of parenting:
- I would have said “No” a lot more.
…AND WITHOUT GUILT!
Looking back, I said “yes” to a lot of things, not because I wanted to do them or even felt like God was asking me it of me. But simply because I felt guilty.
Guilty: because surely every child and parent would have their feelings hurt if we didn’t attend every single birthday party on the planet!
Guilty: because all the other mamas said “yes” to everything and if I was gong to be a good mama, wasn’t I supposed to also?
Guilty: because I wanted my children to remember my involvement as the Super Mom of the Universe in their lives and their activities.
Guilty: because of what we do (pastoring people), means we have people’s needs and requests pulling at us 24/7, and we would be bad pastors if we said ‘No’.
Twenty-three years later, I have learned that GUILT is never, ever from God. Guilt is self-condemnation and God doesn’t operate that way. God speaks to our hearts through conviction, never through condemnation. Through the still, small whisper of His voice, or the tapping of His finger on my heart, or the loud, clear way He can use others to speak to us……but NEVER through guilt! And guilt is the wrong motive behind saying “yes” to anything!
I would have said “No” a lot more to a lot more people and requests.
And in hind-sight, I’ve realized that my children never expected me to say “yes” to everything...just “yes” to the right things.
2. I would have worried a lot less.
99.9999999% of what we worry about never comes to pass.
Wasted energy, wasted nights of sleep, wasted time, wasted opportunities…all because of worry.
I think women are just wired to worry more. We can actually become professionals at worrying! But honestly, if you look back over all the times you wasted away on worry, the majority of what you worried about never happened.
And in the few times, those fears and worries did come to pass, you can see the hand of your Heavenly Father with you and on you during your most difficult days.
What if the most terrible things that you spend so much time worrying about actually happened? God would be with you. He would protect you, lead and guide you. He would never leave you or forsake you. He would work “ALL things together for your good” just like His Word promises you. He would fight for you and defend you…JUST LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS.
So stop worrying. Give it to God and leave it with Him. He’s got this…whatever you are burdened with…He’s prepared to carry it for you. You just have to allow Him to do it.
3. I would have given myself more GRACE.
I don’t know about you but I can be pretty hard on myself. I’ve often said, “I don’t need the enemy to torment my mind and beat me up. I can do a pretty good job at that myself!”
I am my own worst enemy.
I would have graced myself a lot more.
It’s amazing how much grace our husbands, our children, our family, our friends, our God can give us…but it’s equally as amazing how much grace WE REFUSE TO GIVE OURSELVES.
Actually, it’s sad. Very, very sad.
We can freely give grace TO others, and freely receive grace FROM others, but it’s absolutely astonishing that when we are the ones who need the grace…WE HAVE NONE LEFT TO GIVE OURSELVES.
As mothers, we have to learn to grace ourselves!! If we don’t, we will walk under such a heavy load of condemnation, guilt and high expectations that we’ll eventually break under the weight of it all. Believe me, I know. I’ve broken down more times than I can count, and all because I was the enemy of my own soul. My expectations on myself were higher than what God Himself put on me, and higher than what other people would ever expect of me.
Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about grace. I’ve learned that I cannot earn it and I certainly don’t deserve it. That’s why it’s called GRACE. I’ve learned to give grace to others and I’ve learned to receive that same grace. But thankfully, after all these years…I’ve learned to give myself grace.
But I sure wished I had learned that lesson a long time ago!