Sending Them Out

I have had many discussions with parents lately (mamas, in particular) as they have been preparing to send their children back to school, and many of them off to college for the first time. Whether it’s back to school or off to college, the emotional roller coaster that parents feel is a very real thing. Sending children back to school can be sobering as each year passes so quickly, but for the most part, parents are eager with excitement to get back to a regular schedule and routine after a fun-filled, relaxed, and lazy summer. But sending your child off to college (or to work/moving out, etc.) is a whole different level of emotions. There are no more lunches to pack, forms to sign, or uniforms to purchase. And at the end of the school day, there’s no one coming through the door, asking for a snack as they tell you about their day. As we’ve raised our three children, and as they all are living on their own, I’ve learned a few things that might be helpful to those of you with your children still at home or those preparing to send them “off” (to wherever “off” may be!).(1) The years of elementary, middle, and high school are only a fraction of your child’s entire life.  In light of their entire life, those first 18 years are just a tiny sliver of time when compared to the span of their lifetime. During those school years though, every decision seems life-changing. Every mistake seems as if it will rock their entire life forever. Every difficult day, difficult friend, difficult teacher, and difficult school year seems as if it will affect your child for the rest of their life. And while I’m certainly not trying to lessen the pain of how those things affect your child, God will use each and every one of them to teach, train, and prepare them for the real world they will face as they leave home. God really does work “ALL things” together for the good of your child!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NIV)

It’s amazing to me how we can claim that scripture for our own lives but forget that it has the same promise for our children as well!Don’t try to rescue your child from every single circumstance they may face. They need to walk through dark valleys to appreciate the mountain tops. They need to feel some pain to know the One who can bring healing to their heart. They need to know how to deal with difficult people and friends in order to have the wisdom they need in relationships when they become grown adults.(disclaimer: of course, if your child is facing detrimental pain or abuse, you absolutely should step in to intervene!)Those school years for your child won’t last forever, so don’t treat and react to them as if they will. Your child has their entire life ahead of them. Trust God that He’s using every single thing that they walk through in their school years to prepare them for the life and destiny He has ahead for them.(2)  Do not respond to your child’s emotion with your own emotion.As parents, but especially as mamas, we MUST learn to rise above our own emotions when dealing with an emotional child, and in particular, an emotional teenager.

Teenagers are a walking, raging well of emotions. As parents, we cannot be.

If you cannot communicate or interact with your child because your own emotions aren’t intact, then wait to have that conversation until you can reign in your emotions. Outbursts of emotions, negative words, and actions that we will most certainly regret happen when our emotions as parents respond to the emotions of our children. We MUST learn to control our emotions and our mouths.There is no good that comes out of an encounter with an emotional parent and an equally emotional child.  It is like two sticks of dynamite ready to explode! Take some time to gather your thoughts, say a prayer, breathe deeply, choose your words carefully, then walk into the room to interact with your emotional child.Many of the hurtful words that are flung from parent to child and vice versa could be prevented from an emotionally aware and disciplined parent.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You, oh Lord.” (Psalm 19:14 NLT)

(3)  You never really know if you were a successful parent until your child leaves home.

The true result of your parenting won’t happen until they leave you and walk as an adult in this world. So be patient with your child and with yourself as you raise them.

Only when your child is on their own, whether in college or in the workplace, will you see how you did as their parent. For some of you, it’ll be life’s greatest reward.  For others, you’ll see many of your shortcomings and mistakes. No parent is perfect and we’ve all blown it from time to time. That’s where the grace of God comes in… to cover where we might have messed up or fallen short.As your child prepares to leave home, pray for God’s grace to cover them. Ask for forgiveness from your child, if necessary, and commit to being a wise, godly voice in their lives when they ask for it. God can redeem even the most broken relationships and the most heart-wrenching failures…through your repentance, to God first, then to your child.  (4)  You will not see the true “fruit” of your parenting until your child is grown.All the seeds that you have planted into your child, over the 18 years they are in your home, won’t really bear true “fruit” until they leave you. Oh sure, you’ll see the glimmer of some fruit in their lives when you have them at home, but you won’t see the long-lasting, abundant fruit until years later.That’s why it’s so important to plant the right seeds NOW while you have them in your care.

Galatians 6: 7-8 (TPT) tells us: “Make no mistake about it….for what you PLANT will always be the very thing you HARVEST.  The harvest you reap reveals the seed that was planted.”

In order for you to see abundant fruit later in their lives, you must plant righteous seeds into their lives NOW. The apostle Paul tells us that as one man plants the seeds, another man will water those seeds, but it is only God that brings the increase of those seeds planted (I Corinthians 3:6-7).Begin planting the seeds of truth, encouragement, grace, hope, forgiveness, purpose, and destiny NOW, and you are promised abundant fruit LATER! Begin praying for the right people to water the seeds you have planted in your child’s life… and begin thanking God now for the fruit that is coming! It may take many years to see that fruit produced in your child’s life, but once you do see it, it will be one of life’s greatest rewards and joys!For those parents who didn’t do well in planting the correct seeds in your child’s life, through your prayers, the grace and power of God can come and begin to do a work in your adult child’s life that will astound you! So parents, take heart. Continue planting those seeds. If you have not purposely done that, start now. It is never too late! Be encouraged parents! You’re raising your children to one day leave your home and walk into a life of their own. This season of school days/years will not last forever.

Be faithful in the stewardship of your children’s lives now and one day, you will reap the joy and reward of all the fruit of your labor as their parent.

And that day will come sooner than you think… SO KEEP PLANTING!

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 NKJV)